The other day I found myself feeling vulnerable, overwhelmed and weak. I realized that I was letting some people, places and situations in my life have tremendous power over me. I was giving these outside forces power over how I responded to what was said or done and how I chose to feel about all of it. At that moment I began to feel very angry both at those people and situations for their behaviour but mostly at myself for allowing them to take me over, for putting my happiness and sense of peace in their hands and not my own, for bringing me down and keeping me down or so I thought. At that point, I got very, very angry and I got up, literally and said to myself “Enough Already”. I don’t have to do this and I proceeded to just let it all go and put it aside. I didn’t have to analyze any more why they did what they did, judge how wrong and thoughtless it all was, or even how it made me feel. I didn’t have to convince them that my way was the better way or the right way. I didn’t have to waste my precious time and energy doing any of that. I just had to walk away and into something better, something more empowering for me. Which is exactly what I did in that precise moment. As a result I had one of the best days I have had in quite some time and I was able to accomplish more than I had in weeks. Everything just seemed to fall into place for me in miraculous ways.
We have become used to certain patterns of behaviour that have become like habits. Someone pushes button A and we respond by pushing back button B. It has become automatic, boring and tiresome. It is truly no longer serving us. And whether what these people, places or things do is right or wrong, good or bad, it really doesn’t matter, what matters is how they make us feel or how we allow them to make us feel and no one can make us feel bad unless we let them. We are the ones who put ourselves inside the prison of our own making. At any point we can tear down the bars, and set ourselves free.
Our emotions are neither good or bad. It is important, now more than ever before, that we do not deny, suppress or stuff them deep inside. They simply are there to serve us. They are trying to tell us something about ourselves, to shed some light on what needs to be tended to like in a garden. What needs to be acknowledged and cleared out and what needs to be nurtured, watered and loved. Those parts of us that need to be healed or quite simply let go of.
Anger is neither good or bad. It can be an amazing catalyst to propel us out of where we do not want to be. And it can be a great gift. It is the judgement about these things, people and emotions that cause us stress and unhappiness. And at any time, we can choose not to judge and walk away. We need to not care any more what anyone thinks about us, and that can be a very hard thing for many of us to do. I am not saying that we don’t need to deeply care about each other, quite the contrary. However, it has been ingrained in us to care what other people think, especially those close to us, and follow along. Society and the media is totally set up to give us the message to hold ourselves to their standards of value and worth and not our own, to fit in. But what if we are hearing a different voice these days and many, many more of us are not alone in hearing this. Will we choose to listen and even more bravely, answer? Will we allow our mind to convince us of its so called truth or will we open our heart to its deeper inner knowing?
I think that this kind of thing is coming up for many of us these days as things are speeding up on the planet, there is no denying that, and there is no time for analyzing and processing and programming like there used to be several years ago.
We need to just do what feels like the most freeing and loving thing in any moment to move us forward into a new state of being. We need to choose to play in the world from a bigger place, a grander place that we cannot really see yet, but are at least willing to venture forth and follow the beckoning that keeps tugging at our heart strings. It is not comfortable and so we resist and we cling to comfort. It is certainly not familiar, and yet many of us would rather stay in a familiar, unhappy situation than risk what might be, thinking that it may be much more than we could handle. And so we stay stuck and seemingly broken. Some of us keep running back time and time again to all manner of systems and tools that we think will fix us and make us better. Many of these have worked somewhat for us in the past, and we are very reluctant to part with them, but we were never broken in the first place, so there is really nothing left to fix. How can you improve upon perfection, unless you are trying to deny it.
I am not saying that this isn’t scary or confusing or perplexing. I am saying that we can no longer deny that something is afoot, as Dorothy in the movie The Wizard of Oz exclaimed. “I have the feeling that we are not in Kansas any more”, and we need to take a good look at exactly where we find ourselves these days and where we might be going.
This is an extraordinary time on our planet. The world is changing at an accelerated pace and I know now more profoundly that I have ever known before that we are not alone here. That we have available to us more help than we could ever need to move into places we have not yet been to. Doors are opening and walls are coming down and things are not quite as they seem. Adventures await us if we have the courage to go within and feel. We have help and most importantly we have each other.
I wish you Godspeed on your journey, my dear and precious friends.
Copyright © February 5, 2013 by Veronica Hay
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